J.J. Watt Can't Get A Girlfriend

J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans can't capture himself a girlfriend, he claims in a recent interview. His schedule is "busy", his life is "crazy." Heard that one before. But, I'm a lot more willing to believe this coming from an NFL star than I am from the ambiguously employed dude I met at Starbucks. JJ: Going to be on TV this Sunday using his muscles to entertain a stadium, Rando Dude: Going to be watching Netflix and tweeting about his hangover. Let's be real. 

There's this assumption that dudes are just robotic meat trucks who want to just run through a line of ladies. Settling down? No way! Relationships? Blehhhhh! Being a philanderer is the the height of masculinity. BUT. That's just not the way it actually is. The more I do this blog, the more I realize that guys are mostly just a swamp of murky emotions. They like intimacy. And stability. And compassion. They want someone to make them believe they are the most special droplet in the universe. Like, what?

See what I'm saying here, J.J.? I mean. You're single. I'm single. You play football. I drink champagne and record myself talking to people. When you're in town playing the Bears, we should get dinner. I know all the good spots!

Part of me wonders if this isn't like when Enrique Iglesias said that he was a virgin in order to get so much tail. If so, I see you, J.J.!

I know this is a completely different guy, but let's just take a moment to watch NFL player Rob Gronkowski's flirting in action. It's award-worthy.